Things you may not know about me #4

[a_natural_beauty]

I'm childless and happy that way.

For the majority of my life I never felt the want or need to have children or to become a mom. There was two times where I thought for a short amount of time I might want to be a mother and have a family - the one being where I was in my early 20's and lived out on my own and with my boyfriend at the time and really was getting into that whole domestic thing - even through ironically he was never home. Which that plus some other part of our relationship lead to us ending things and me buying my home. It's even more ironic that now he is happily married with a child when that was the future I wanted with him but he didn't want with me. Eh, these things are what lead us to different and better paths eventually. It's funny how life turns out.
And the second time I was out of my control with my hormones. If I ever feel comfortable to write about it I will share it in a private post to those of you I feel comfortable with knowing that part of my life... But to put it simply - it was a lonely and difficult time for me full of a roller coaster of emotions. In my brain I didn't want a baby, but my physical body wanted it. I think this was the worst agony I've ever personally gone through.

I do give so much respect to all of the moms out there - to me parenting and raising a little one is one of the most intense things one could possibly go through. I do get there are many rewards and feelings of happiness, too. It's just never felt like a way I want my destiny & future to go.
I'm sure most of you who have known me for a bit of time know this already, but I felt like this was an okay topic to write about. I don't know if I need to go into this any further and that's okay, too.

Comments

[zefyr]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts regarding this topic. It's often not the easiest to speak about, as there's some social pressure and taboo involved. I don't believe people should be pressured to have children or not; we all lead such different lives, it's difficult to say whether it'd be a positive thing for someone to bring a child into the world. Each person has their own journey in life that may or may not include them. I think it is and should be an ideal, though, and do believe that we can live in a world where more people want to have children. That's another world, but I believe it's possible.

Personally, I never wanted a child in my early adulthood. I was terrified of it due to my own experience of father-son relations. It's only recently I've felt like I'd very much like to be a father myself, but I look around me, and I really wouldn't want to bring a child into this world. Things are getting worse and worse, and I'd have to be there for them and wouldn't want them to go through anything so painful as the loss of a loved one at an early age. It's painful enough to lose a loved one due to something like cancer or heart disease or something, but it's another to lose them at the hands of other human beings. Human life is the most important thing, and I believe it must be protected at all costs. The Jains says that it's the function of souls to help one another.

[a_natural_beauty]

Thank you for always being so understanding about my posts. I couldn't agree with your words more.

That is a pretty strong second argument I have, too. I've actually lost four siblings and it's one of the worst experiences my parents have gone through... words can't explain it enough. I can't image what it must be like to burry a child/young adult.
But also just the climate and global warming... that scares me just in my lifetime. But to have a child and have them go through a worse climate than I have - that freaks me out on a new level. There has been some progress, but not enough to fix things and the future seems very uncertain.