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I've been meaning to get better about sharing pictures on here. I figured this would just be a quick one that shows who Wiley and Fynn are! :)
For those of you who don't know - Wiley we adopted from the local shelter a bit over a year ago. And Fynn we got when my father passed away, he was my father's dog.
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This past Monday morning while I was over at moms she gave me one of the most important things I think I could ever get from my dad: ancestry paperwork and obituaries! There is a descendant report that goes back to the year 1872 when my one ancestor Charles Slaby was born on November 2nd. He was from Bohemia - the village of Vlastec. It then tells how he met and married a woman named Anna Kovar from Cleveland Ohio. She was born June 17th of the same year - 1872 and they were married November 11th 1894, 22 years old. So at some point he was possibly the first ancestor from my dad's Slaby side to come over here to the states before or during 1894. At least that's how it's written up... Then it goes into more details of names and relatives. Three pages of records!!

There are also some very old obituaries and cards from the funerals in the envelope. some relatives who died in the 1930's. Some are somewhat faded but overall they are in good shape. The cards don't give a ton of information besides when they died but I've been able to see some of that information from the family decent report. My dad even wrote out some more notes on the Slaby side starting with his grandfather George Slaby who was born October 19th, 1899 and his wife Anna Matuska (my dad's grandmother) who was born June 2n, 1904.

I've been wanting to see these notes for years and have been asking my dad for years but he could never find them. About a year or two ago my dad accused me of having them and wanting them back - but I had no idea they even existed. I'm sure he' happy to see them now being read and looked into. My mom gave me these papers so now I can go on and try to do some research and learn more. I'd like to try to learn more about their jobs, where they lived in those areas (mostly the Cleveland area here in Ohio) and hobbies. Wish me luck - I'll start doing this more seriously in a few weeks I think.
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It's been a bit of time since I wrote one of these and these days reading is what gives me the biggest comfort out of all my hobbies. If any of you use Storygrah or Goodreads and would like to add me, let me know. I feel like half of these books came from the library and half came from ones I own. So here I am again telling you all of my recent books I've been enjoying:

'Dying: A Memoir' By Cory Taylor
This book I picked up because it reminder me of my mother and her condition and conversations we've been having in recent months. It was good overall but at times I felt like I lost connection. I made some notes from the book as I read it in the late summer after my nephew Alex passed away.

'My sisters keeper' By Jodi Picoult
I've always been a big fan of this author and this book was no exception. I had a hard time putting it down and the ending completely surprised me. I own several of her books and plan on reading more as time goes on.

'Jo's Boys' By Louisa May Alcott
While reading this book was the period in my life that I lost my father so to be honest I remember opening pages and reading the words but it was difficult to keep concertation and track of what was happening. In the future someday I plan on rereading the three books in order - Little women, Little men & Jos boys so I can make better sense of the characters in the later two books.

'Learning to live with OCD and anxiety: Separating myths and facts' By Katie Mercer
I think I read this book in a few days - it was pretty short and I skimmed over some of it. After reading it the parts of OCD don't seem to match with how I feel and do things but I could relate to some of the anxiety parts.

'GriefShare Survival guide: Navigating the holidays after loss' By The church initiative
While this book was given to me with good intentions I had a difficult time getting into it because of the religious background. I'm sure these books are very useful for those who have those beliefs but for myself I just couldn't get into it. I think I may rehome it to a free little library.

'And every morning the way home gets longer and longer' By Fredrik Backman
This one is about a father and a grandfather who is communicating with his son and grandson. Sometimes it goes into the man's head and he's talking to his wife who has passed on. It's a somewhat deep and sad story, short but meaningful.

'A celebration of animation: The 100 greatest cartoon characters in television history' By Martin Gitlin & Joseph Wos
In some ways I liked this book and in other ways it felt too long. The title says 100 but there are clearly more than 100 characters they touch base on and talk about. Some of the characters I enjoyed learning more about and others I never heard of. I ended up giving this book to my boyfriend because he ejnoys watching cartoons more than I do.

'It's okay that you're not okay: Meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn't understand' By Megan Devine
I enjoyed this grief book more since it felt like it got straight to the point. The author lost her husband to a drowning accident suddenly. She write about the raw and heartbreaking experience of it and the aftermath and how society really can be clueless to those going through loss. At times the book was so sad it made me cry I had to put it down but it did help me overall.

'Cairn Terriers: Everything about purchase, care, nutrition, grooming, behavior and training' By Patricia Lehman
Because of taking in Fynn - my father's dear dog - was the reason I got this book. It was a good read, short and informative. I've never owned a dog that was a full bread, only mutts - so it was interesting to learn about this breed I knew little about. The pictures throughout were adorable.

'Sunrise on the reaping' Susan Collins
Of course I recently wrote about this book - Just a week or two ago. It was a good book but I don't think I liked it as much as I liked the other hunger game books I've read. It was bittersweet to learn more about the lore of the world and characters tied in together. I'm curious is there will be more HG books coming out - if there are I hope they cover other districts. I feel like we've spent enough time in 12, it would be neat to learn about the others.

'Klondikes, chipped ham & skyscraper cones: The story of Isaly' By Brian Butko
One of my dad's favorite ice creams were klondikes. While at my friend Jenny's home I noticed this book and they let me borrow it. It was the first book of 2026 I finished. While it was a short read it was informative with lots of old adds, prices and pictures. The history of Isaly was bittersweet but I feel like a-lot of companies start off well and then go down some difficult times.

'Unfamiliar: Volume 2' By Haley Newsome
I found the first volume of this book while at my local library last year. It was a good book and I found of there was a second volume I just had to check it out. I'm glad I did. It's about some misfit characters and their little adventures and lives. I love the art. It's just a simple graphic novel to enjoy. It'll be nice to read the third one if the author is able to write up one.

'More days at the Morisaki bookshop' By Satoshi Yagisawa
This is another book I found the first one at my local library last year. I got it in an event where they wrapped up the books and you just had to pick one by the description. It's a simple, short and slice of life sort of tale about an introvert young woman who sort of finds herself while being at her uncle's bookshop in Japan. I liked the writing style, the characters and the plot. This is the second one and it carries on with the girl, her job, relationships and life. It is a bit darker than the first and deals with some emotional stuff but is still a heartwarming story to read.
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Things have calmed down a bit with my family. It's been about two months almost since he has passed. So much has happened - some good and some bad. Looking back some of it was silly to be so worried about but then again how could I have known...? For example there was the subject of my nephew David and I honestly wasn't sure what would happen with him and his custody. His mother lost it years ago and my parents are his guardians now. But with my mom's health not in the best something needed to be done with where he would live and who would raise him. While my dad was still alive it was talked about if my parents couldn't keep him that he may go to my one brother and his wife since they got along so well and they are a well adjusted couple with a stable home life. And this was sort of the idea for a few weeks at the start of things. Now things have calmed down between David and his mom and from what I gather he wants to live with her as well as I don't think my brother and his wife are in a place to take on David since they lost their son Alex this past August. But I was somewhat involved I feel like I was more than I should have been but I was worried about David since for awhile there he wasn't wanting to go back to his mothers at all.

Then the topic of being power of attorney for my mother was something I realized I did not want. I was and still am okay being the top person on her living will but the idea of being in charge of everything in general truly caused me deep anxiety. I was actually considering getting on anxiety medication because my worries were so bad that I would mess up on something. But now two of my brothers have taken charge with that role - or Medical power of attorney - I'm not sure to be honest and it's okay to be in the dark with this subject. Hopefully that doesn't sound bad. The idea of making major decisions or following through with legal stuff I feel like would be better for someone else. Maybe that's secretly the good thing about having all older and more experienced siblings. My mom seems to be more understanding about my thoughts on the matter. I will do as much as I can for her and do everything I can otherwise. Taking that weight off my shoulders has helped greatly.

We will be having a meeting tomorrow about things with my mom with my siblings, her and two relativities who have been staying with her. I hope it goes well, there have been some disagreements and issues with some stuff. From my mom's first marriage there are a total of 5 living children. Then Anna and I from my mom and dad and also there are 5 children from my dad's first marriage. Only one daughter is involved, both his sons have passed on as well as his one daughter. But out of those kids it'll just be my mom's biological children involved with this meeting. Sometimes I feel like it's so many kids and then other times it feels like it's going to work out.... mixed feelings at times. Family has and probably always will be complicated.

Back to my dad and grieving him... it's been difficult at strange times. Today for example I was off and home all day, I decided to take a bath. I like to listen to the radio and one of the only stations I could get in was a weird christmas one. It was fine until I got out and one song just caught me off guard... I think it was have a merry little christmas or something along those lines. And towards the end of the song it talked about being all together if the fates allow. And then talking about just getting through it if that wasn't the case.... or something like that. And it just caused me to break out and cry and it sucked. Then there are other times where I am out in public and I just want to go home, I just hate being around strangers and happy people and all the noise and sights and smells. Some kind of overload. Lately this has been happening in restaurants when Mike and I are out. I just get annoyed and cross.
When I do see other old men I don't get mad or sad or anything like that. It honestly makes me happy when I see similar old men that remind me of my dad. I've talked to other people and have read in some of the grief books that sometimes seeing someone who looks like the one you lost can be upsetting but this hasn't been the case with me. My dad would sometimes joke about girls finding him to be a cute old man. He would wear a baseball cap (one of his Vietnam ones usually) and suspenders. That was usually what he would always have one. Sometimes some brightly colored shirts or sometimes some more down to earth colors. Blue jeans or dress pants depending on where he would be going. But it's funny how many other old men wear similar clothes to him or walk like him or just have an air to them that gives me comfort in a strange way. They are still here and alive while my dad is gone. And it doesn't make me mad but just happy that these other cute old men are around living their lives.
After awhile reading the books was making me sad. A few times I would start to get teary eyed while reading and after that happened so many times I was just tired of being like that. Reading usually makes me feel great emotions but to just feel so sad and heavy was getting to be too much. So now I will read other books like 'Sunrise on the reaping' has been a good distraction.
Being at my mom's at times makes me still very sad. Last week I had a good cry when the subject of deserts came up. My mom offered us ice cream and other goodies like my dad would always do and it just sucked... knowing he will never be able to offer us any home made cookies, cakes, brownie's, ice cream again. I hate it. That was one of his favorite things. He would always be baking or cooking. He loved food and sharing it. He made this cinnamon type cake the week that he passed and I took two little pieces back home. It was a yellowish color with homemade white icing. I remember eating a piece the day of his calling hours before I went and the day of his funeral before I went to that, too. And it gave me a sort of weird comfort. The last food my father baked and shared. As I ate both pieces I had another good cry. Food honestly hasn't been the same, I think about him a-lot when I eat strangely enough.
Having his dog now has been a blessing in disguise. Fynn was greatly loved by my father and now that I can love and care for him has been good for me. I feel like I less sad at home now. I play with him, talk with him, take him out on walks. It's peaceful to have him around. And both Wiley and Fynn have become fast friends which is nice. We still need to figure out the potty training. That has been difficult. Also sometimes Fynn is still stealing Wiley's toys which is a pain. Wiley has been better about getting his toys and playing keep away. The two of them will work things out I think, it's been close to a month now and the two have only gotten into two little spats over toys.

I think I have mentioned it before but after we lost Alex in our family some of us started to get things in order with our funerals and planning those out. I'm grateful my dad and mom did this. Just about 20 some days before he passed. My dad and I had a conversation about death and our remains. He bought his plot here in town and for a minute I thought about wanting to be buried next to his plot even through it may not be a green burial. That was when I found out how costly it would be. Dad told me it didn't matter where I would be at when I passed because him and mom had the same view - the body is just a vessel and when we are dead it's just a body. So he supported me in wanting to still do a green burial and after some thought I decided that I could still get that when I pass. Because my dad will always be with me in spirit... and I like to believe he can still live in me and everything I do. That gives me some comfort.
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I know this is a hit or miss topic but I feel most of you will agree.... but AI truly freaks me out. I've fallen for stupid videos of stuff that AI has made a few times too many. I have been able to spot stuff when looking at a single image. There are a few reasons I am going to start going on social media less and this is one of the main reasons. I shared a post about a week ago asking if there was any way to block AI from being in my feed or at least even having some boundaries with it but little to no help since places like Facebook it seems to be all too common. Some people I have on my friends list use those stupid AI image filters - like what I saw so much around Halloween time where you could have you put on a movie case or in a scene of a scary movie. It just felt so fake and stupid.... this is the world we are living in and it just makes me feel uninterested in it and want to put some real distance there.
Do any of you guys have any experience on how to spot for certain things? I feel like over time AI is just going to keep getting better and more advanced and I won't be able to tell the difference.
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For the last few days I've been reading 'Sunrise on the reaping' by Susanne Collins and it's hard to put down! I've always been such a big Hunger Games fan. With the new movie coming out next November I've been seeing hints about it on social media and out of curiosity picked up the book I bought awhile back. The grief books were good but after awhile it was just making me feel sad and I wanted to read something different for a bit. And this has been a good distraction, especially with Christmas going on and not feeling the holiday spirit this year. It's nice to just throw myself into a book and a series I love.

This book is about Haymitch Abernathy and the Quarter Quell that he ended up winning. So far I am on chapter 13 and there has been a-lot of older characters in the mix. Learning more about Mags, Beetee, Wiress, Plutarch, President Snow and now Effie. And of course Haymitch! There is a-lot that makes sense about his character and backstory. So far the story is pretty messed up with all the corruption of the Capitol and President Snow (I expected no less) and I know it'll only get worse. I loved the second book (Catching Fire) so when I learned that these older victors are a part of the story.

Are any of you guys Hunger Games fans? If you are do you like the movies? The books? Both? Let me know, maybe in the future I'll try to write more about this subject.
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I hope all of you have been well. Life has been somewhat busy on my end but I've been doing alright overall. Just still a-lot to process and think about.

A-little over a week ago now I think was when Mike and I adopted Fynn, my fathers dog. He also belonged to my mom and nephew but it was mainly my dad who cared for him and worked with him the most. So that has been an adjustment - not too bad but still a change. He and Wiley get along well, sometimes they do rough it up a bit more than I would care for but other than that it's been nice having him here and helping care for him. We need to get him to do his doggy business outside - that seems to be the biggest issue. Sometimes he does and we give him treats when that happens. He is a cairan terrier. The same breed as toto from the 'wizard of oz' (fun fact I know!).

I finished one grief book and I've been reading another. The first one ("Survival Guide: Navigating the holidays after loss") was somewhat religious. Which isn't bad but it's hard for me to get into and understand. I think most of you know from some past posts - I am agnostic. So I do believe in a higher power but I don't know if it is God. But the book was helpful and had some good ideas on what to do mainly during thanksgiving and christmas. It had lists and things to fill out if I needed to.
The second book I am about 100 pages away from finishing ("It's okay that you're not okay" by Megan Devine). It's been pretty good, too. Very raw and realistic. The author lost her husband due to a drowning accident. At times I've had to put the book down because it was just so sad to read. But I do enjoy it, it covers the emotions and thought process behind loss quite well.

I did find out that my mom picked me as her Power of attorney. It feels like a-lot but I just need to learn my roles and responsibilities so I can better understand this. Do any of you have any experience with this?

I'm pretty much done christmas shopping. I hardly did any this year and that was fine. Each year there is always so much pressure on christmas and gift giving. This year I'm just giving to one of my best friends, her mother and grandmother, Mike and his family is doing a christams gift exchange this year. So with that I got his one brother. Also there is a gift exchange at work where we all trade gifts with each other. It's new, the cost was under $5 for each person. I ended up getting small bottles of lotion and some hard candy and candy canes in these little christams bags.

Yesterday was my 38th birthday. It honestly didn't feel all that different. But I think that will be the norm for the next couple of years. I worked in the morning and when I came home from work Mike and I got dairy queen and watched an old christmas movie that I loved as a kid. It's called 'Annabelle's wish' if any of you have heard of it - let me know! It wasn't as bad as I was worried it might be. Also Mike made brownies and I read the rest of the evening. It was calm and quite which was what I wanted.

So I guess that is it for now... it's just been hard to get back on here and write and read. But I hope you all have been well. I think about this site often. <3
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Ouch! It wasn't a good experience. I was told a few months ago I would need a cap on my left lower back molder and I had no idea it would be such an experience. 2 1/2 hours at the dentist. I want to say that was the longest I've ever been at the dentist. First step was getting around the tooth taken away and taking out the current filling. Then also this piece of wire to go in-between my gums and tooth.
I have a small mouth to begin with and it was just painful. Even though I was numb my jaw still hurt so much. And the dentist herself wasn't exactly in a good mood, making some somewhat rude comments and I could just feel from her body language that she was wanting to be done with my mouth. The taste of the filling coming out tasted so bad and the other weird things I could taste my mouth were awful. I'm not a big fan of this dentist. But they still take my insurance and they are the closet. I may change in the future... I'm not sure yet.
For the next two weeks I can not chew on that tooth, I have some sort of covering over it now. Chewing gets tiring on just my right side so I haven't been eating much. I haven't been eating much after my fathers death anyway - I just have a lack of interest in eating. So I guess it's good timing... but gosh, like another ten days of this before I go back... it feels like a-lot. Also I can't brush that area or floss around that tooth.
Have any of you ever had to get a cap on any of your teeth? If you have - what was it like?
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I think this is the first time in maybe a month I go check out the reading page and see what everyone is up to. But I just wanted to say hello and see how you guys are doing! I hope you all have been doing well and taking care of yourselves.
If you feel like updating me on anything good news - or even some not so good news - you can! I'm still happy to find the time to come on here and type out my feelings and thoughts. And read yours and be supportive of each other. At times the world still seems like a crazy and unknown place so I'm grateful to these safe places.
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It took me a couple of months but I'm glad I finished reading 'Chrono crusade' again. I think this was the third time reading it. I bought it back when I was in high school, one of the first manga series I got into. I always liked the action, humor, art, characters and story. Being just a teen back then it was probably a bit on the heavy side but I that's okay! It's only eight volumes long, if any of you are curious to read it. I feel like it was a fairly simple read and wasn't too timely. I don't want to give too many spoilers but some of my favorite parts were the start of it with the characters together like Azmaria and Satella with Rosette and Chrono working as a dysfunctional team. And I loved the later volumes that cover the flashbacks with Mary Magdalene and Chrono. IT would have made the story too long but I wish the four characters - Rosette, Chrono, Azmaria and Satella - would of had a bit more time together since they felt like they had a good thing going for the plot and worked well together. It felt strange finishing up the last volume after my dad's passing since so much of the book covered topics like death, loss and sudden changes in life. Bittersweet almost.
Next I'm going to be reading different comic books I have laying around that I have been meaning to get rid of. Maybe later on in winter I'll re-read another manga series but for now I'm good just focusing on reading books I'd like to rehome.
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So for a bit of time - maybe a week or so? My one sister will be staying with my mom. Then later in the month there is her granddaughter and her husband who can stay with her for about two months. So I may be able to have a bit of time to myself and work on stuff as I need to. Also there are a few relatives who said they can check up on here once a week or something. That helps, knowing there is a bit of support.

I think I will just take it day by day - week by week. Her health right now is still sort of unpredictable. If I can draw out a page or write a chapter for Promised Memories I will, if I can't I know my readers will understand. Early on in the story Prince Leon losses both his parents as well as sister and must grow up fast, learn all he can to become king someday and rule his island with love and loyalty. I need to use my fictional character Leon as an example to learn from. Right now in the current chapter I am covering Prince Leon and how his future became happy again after all that sadness. Grief is something I have been familiar with but never at this level. I feel like in the context of Promised Memories some pretty serious and heartbreaking events happen and what follows is like a domino effect. It can either break you or make you - so to speak.
There is so much more with Promised Memories I plan on writing about but for now I will just focus on it when I am able to. And that's okay.
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I know I was going to start trying to get into the habit of coming back on here again but I have some terrible news - as you all know from the title of this post. My father, my dear daddy passed away on this past Friday the 24th. My mother and him were home, it was about 3 in the afternoon before my nephew who lives with them was expected to come home. My mom got up from her chair in the living room and fell. When she went down she was in such pain - she knew she broke her arm. My dad went go to get her but when he stood up he had complications somehow - either it was his heart or his breathing since he didn't have his oxygen. My mom could hear him but not see him with how she landed and he was yelling for David to come home, that they needed help. David came home and found them - mom on the floor and dad hardly able to stand. David went to get his oxygen - which was on the other side of the room - to try to put on him but dad had just enough time to tell his grandson that he was dying and to call 911 for mom. I think it was after this dad fell onto the floor or he was already on the floor, I can't recall. David made the call and they came. My mom was in shock when she found out he had passed. When I got there they were taking her out in a stretcher and my sister and I got to go upstairs with David to see dad. It was more awful than I expected. There was some blood by him so the next day there was talk that it may have also been a brain animism? I honestly think it was his heart or breathing. My mother and nephew are filled with guilt. The night we came back from the hospital she cried all night and kept saying she killed him because if she wouldn't have fallen he would still be here. We all know that isn't true but still, how can you convince her - she's grieving her best friend and husband. I feel like David's guilt may recover sooner but he is still filled with hurt. I'm filled with a mix of emotions - why this way???? Why couldn't he have died in his sleep? Or down in the basement or somewhere else where it didn't involve my mom and nephew like that... it just upsets me so. Each day I've been crying a bit less, but still just crying and mad and sad and confused and scared and lost. We have been preparing for my mom's death. For months now she has been going down hill. Someday I may be more at peace but for now I still can't understand why the three of them had to be involved like this...
So many other events followed after this tragedy. I'm still trying to grieve for him and deal with present bullshit that some of my family is causing. We knew there would be issues when my father passed but I never expected things to happen so soon and so badly. A few people in my family have turned out to be pretty awful just days after his passing and I have been learning who I can trust and who I cannot going forward. But I may go into that in another post. For right now I am trying to honor him and remember him for the wonderful person he is. November 17th would have been his birthday and I already gave him his gift - a Cleveland browns clock I won in a pumpkin painting contest at the start of the month.
Today is his calling hours. I am putting in his casket a coupon book I made him several years ago, two younger photos of me - one of me in kindergarten and my senior year photo and I wrote him a short letter. Tomorrow is the funeral - on Halloween - which I think someone mentioned would be a bad day for it, but I don't think my dad would have cared. He liked Halloween. In the meantime I don't know much much time I will have free because I will be helping my mother and nephew as much as I can be. I put my comic Promised Memories on hiatus for now. It's strange, I was actually thinking about that as of lately, of what it would be like if it was on hiatus. I love you all and hope you are doing well. Take care of yourselves and give your loved ones hugs and kisses when you can. Life is way to unexpected, short and unfair.
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I don't think any of you - if some of you know it may be very few of you - but I live on a hill and its in the front part of my yard that my driveway goes up and around. This hill is somewhat steep and over the years I've had trouble mowing it. Lately because of the lilac bushes I planted spread out has caused my mower to get stuck as I go around them. That's been a pain to deal with not to mention all of the weed whacking I've had to do around each small bush now. Mike and I met a local guy who does all sorts of work with local farms, landscaping and educational related talks about native plants and editable plants of North East Ohio. He came to check out my yard and go over what I could do with this hill and we figured out for the area I want to be garden he would come back and help fill it with different plants for pollinators. He would charge $100 which I don't think is bad at all.
The lilac bushes have been doing alright - some are looking better than others. I planted some astilbes but they did not do well in the direct sun. So about a month ago I moved the astilbes into a shady area of my yard on the east side under some trees in a row as a boarder. I think they will do well there.
For the last several weeks I've been collecting cardboard from work and putting it down on my hill in a giant circle to kill the grass so come spring the plans can begin for the pollinator garden! With every piece of cardboard down I think to myself this will be a good plan! Less to mow, plants for nature and a rewarding feeling. This morning I'm going to get a bit more of it done - or hopefully if I have enough cardboard - I will get the whole area I want covered done! Fingers crossed! I'm grateful the weather has been nice to work in. Later today we are expected to get rain so I'm hoping to get it done before that happens. This has been a-lot of work but the reward will be nice in the end! Maybe more people will do more natural things with their yards as time goes on. One can hope!
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Talk of death, green burial, cremation and donating bodies are going to be talked in this post - so be aware.
I'm not sure if I posted about this before - but close to a month ago Mike and I went to view our first green burial center. It's called Foxfield and is a lovely place. It's two hours away and is the closet one. There was another one I was in contact with that is a part of a college - it was a bit more expensive and a bit further west for us. While there I felt hopeful this is what I could do when I pass away - just be a part of nature and give my body back to the earth. I think others in our tour group felt the same way, too. I liked the parrie option more than the forest one.
Soon I was in contact with other funeral homes in the area to compare prices and see how much general services would cost to have my body cleaned up and then shipped down to Foxfield and the prices were terribly high. That's on top of the price of buying the plot and services that would be at Foxfield and I was looking at a scary amount. Places offered payment plans but even so I was looking at a-lot more money than I thought I would spend. I think it was foolish on my part. Right now I am in a place where I can't be careless with money because I still have some repairs on my house that need done. And some expenses in the near future - like dental work that my insurance isn't completely covering.
So these plans for now are on hold. I did look into one option that I'm leaning towards more and more which is donating my body to a medical school. Ohio State University has that as an option and I looked over the site a bit. It would be a much cheaper way to do things and I would be giving my body back to a cause - helping medical students how ever they may need to do it. My main requests are that I don't want to be pumped full of chemicals and viewed by my loved ones. Nothing against those who have that be their final wishes but I just would rather have those who knew me remember me for when I was living and not like that. I don't even wear makeup so the idea of being kept preserved to be viewed and touched and cried over by those in my life seems weird. Un-natural comes to mind. There is also the choice of being cremated which is the most popular choice currently. I could do that but also the idea of being all burnt up like that just makes me sad. I have a fear of fire and feel like that wouldn't be a good way for me to go. But again - all the more power to those who want that!
Currently I am working on my will at least. I actually am meeting with two different attorneys nearby and today is a phone meeting and the other on the 23rd I'll be meeting with in person. And I have read the papers for my living will - I just need to fill it out. So things are going a different course. I have talked to Mike and I have a plan for what I would like done when I am gone to an extent. But talking to these professionals will help with what I need to do going forward.
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Gosh, it's getting close to I think a month since I was last on here... sorry guys... I hope all of you have been doing well. I'll be writing some updates on different subjects as things have been going on in my life. Nothing horrible but I've just had the typical case of 'I don't feel like turning on my laptop'. I'll check out the reading page and see what you all have been up to.
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It's been hard to get back on my laptop as of lately to get on here to read others posts and write my own. But one thing I've been doing is catching up on older magazines and still always reading! always! For a minute I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by reading up to four books at once but now I'm just keeping it at two. I'm working on reading the manga series 'Chrono Crusade' - I'm about halfway done with it. And I'm reading 'My sister's keeper' by Jodi Picoult. But here are some of the recent reads that I recommend for you guys:

'Our bodies their battlefield' By Christina Lamb
This was a book that will change your views on the act of war and what it will leave behind with a woman - be it a small girl, an older woman - no matter what age - this book talks of women all around the world and the wars they have survived through and what a toll it's taken on them. Mentally, physically, emotionally. It's a very graphic book but a very real and good book to read and learn about.

'House of stairs' By William Sleator
I picked up this book because I remembered it as a kid and trying to read it before. I'm not sure if I ever did finish it back then but I read it and understood it now as an adult and it held a much more serious, psychological meaning. A book about these orphans but through a strange set of test, sort of like a training to see how they would react - how they would survive.

'Remarkably bright creatures' By Shelby Van Pelt
I read this as part of the book club at my library. It's a tale that connects an older woman, a young boy, an octopus and a few others together through fate. I loved the writing and I think the older woman and the octopus were my favorites throughout. Talks about life, death, finding oneself - it covers some dark topics at times but was also pleasant and sweet at other times.

'Ishi - Last of his tribe' By Theodora Kroeber
This was a remarkably sad book. I mean, by the title alone you know it's going to be a sad but but while reading this one I got teary eyed a few times. The tribe he comes from is the Yahi tribe in California. The wipeout of his people happens in the late 1800's. He loses his close family one by one. Ishi's sotry is nothing but remarkable.

'Dreams of Joy' By Lisa See
This is the second book in a two book series - the first one being 'The Shanghai girls'. I read it years ago and was always meaning to get around to reading the second book but sort of forgot about it. Then one day my mom found this second book in a free library and thought I would like it so she got it for me. The books cover these two sisters and their later daughter during the late 1930's as they leave china and come to America to start new lives. There is a-lot of heartache and growth throughout these girls lives and I'm happy I own both books now. I plan on rereading them closer together again in the future.

'Tree: Exploring the arboreal world' By Phaidon Tdiitors
Many different artists show their many different views and emotions on trees. This book is beautiful and eye-opening. There are brief descriptions of their works. I loved it from start to finish.

'My grandmother asked me to tell you she's sorry' By Fredrick Backman
Honest thoughts of this book - at first I did not like it and it took me awhile to get into. But it was suggested by my mom and I usually always finish any book I start. But about halfway through the book started to get better, I started to get attached more to the characters and the story made more sense to me. It felt rather long at times but overall is a good book. Told basically from the point of view of this little girl who loses her grandmother who is basically the only person in the world who gets her - she must now hand out letters to people her grandmother knew and learns more of her grandmother and herself through new experiences.

'Angela's Ashes: A memoir of a childhood' by Frank McCourt
I'm sure a good number of you know of this book. I never read it before and a good friend of mine recommended it to me. The author grew up in America during the 1930's and then moved to Ireland soon after and it's about their struggles and hardships. It was a very raw and eye opening book and covered such themes as alcoholism, extreme cases of poverty, hunger and extreme cases of malnutrition.... I'm tying to remember what else - but this was a pretty heavy book with pretty serious themes so just be aware going into it. But it was good none the less and I had a hard time putting it down.

'The last of the saddle tramps' By Mesannie Walkins
'The ride of her life' By Elizabeth Letts
Both these books cover the same amazing woman - Mesannie Walkins who was told by her doctor that she only had less than two years to live she decided to go on a trip out west to see California. At this point in her life she was already losing her home. This was the 1950's and she was 63. She buys a horse, takes her dog and what belongs she has and goes on a trip of a lifetime. Along the way she gets another horse and over America she makes fast friends with almost everyone she meets and becomes sort of a celebrity. Both of these books were very good and I couldn't put them down once I started them. I found her story inspiring.

'Mae West: The lies, the legends, the truths' By George Eells
I did enjoy this book overall but at times it was hard to keep up with because it talked of many famous people I didn't know of. I don't keep up with celebrities to start with - so I had a hard time with the names and older movies and things that went on for this interesting woman. My dad is a big Mae West fan and recently gave me a collection of her movies, a signed photo of her and this book so I could learn more about his favorite actress. I feel like she was ahead of her time.

'Birdwing' by Rafe Martin
This book is losing based on grim brothers fairy tale and I think maybe some others? It was a good read, I feel like this book is geared towards a younger crowd but covers more adult topics. The story is of these seven brothers who get cursed and all turn into swans. Their sister has to knit them sweaters in a short time period to save them. All the brothers get saved except for one who still has one swan wing. He wants to get rid of it and have a normal life at times but then finds his life may be incomplete if he loses it, throughout the book he has dilemmas over the choice. He travels and through some soul searching finds his right path and what's meant for him in the end.
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Here it is again like a week before I start my period and I have all the classic junk food cravings... cookies mainly. If junk food was a drug cookies would be my drug of choice. :-p
I try not to do it much - but sometimes I eat out of boredom or stress related. When I was a teen I actually was overweight due to overeating because of depression. I have a character in my comic Promised memories I plan on writing about with a similar eating disorder. I also had a slight eating disorder when I was a late teen/early 20's where I just didn't eat because I wanted to be super skinny because I thought I looked better super skinny and it was a pretty dark time for me.

I've been trying to stay away from the ingredients of high fructose corn syrup and also corn syrup in general. It's hard - there are some foods I haven't found yet that don't have any - like Maple syrup syrup (once in awhile I like to have pancakes or waffles!). But I think I just need to look harder or just buy some all natural the next time I find it available. There are so many health risks associated to it! I know they make it, it's just a bit more expensive but well worth it.
But also sometimes I just crave some salty foods like chips. I don't eat chips much these days. The price just seems to be a bit high for how little you get in the bag.
And just crunchy is a craving I get, too. Like crackers or just good o' cheese crackers. That was a favorite of mine back from when I was a young child.
Bread is another one that I just find some comforting. Anything bread related - donuts, muffins, rolls, bagels... when I was younger and in my single days I would sometimes joke of wanting to marry a baker just so they could come home smelling like baked goods each day. ^^;
Gosh, what else... this is all making me so hungry and I need to go to bed soon. :-p
Cheese is another one that just is too delicious to pass up! And cheese with crackers and meat! sign me up! I recently made this cheder and potato soup that is super tasty. Once fall comes around I love having soup.
For awhile now I have gotten better about eating at fast food. But once in awhile I do have a fast food craving where I just go and get something little. Some places I just get sick after eating their food - like Taco bell.
At times I do like to have cake but not as much as I used to. My dad makes some of the best cake I've ever had. He usually makes homemade icing!
Brownie's are another guilty pleasure. I tend to enjoy the middle pieces more than the edge pieces. ;-)
And that reminds me of cupcakes. I love making cupcakes and have a nice collection of sprinkles for them. I have some pans for extra small ones (that are adorable) and regular size ones.
Last summer and this past summer I've had some wonderful ice cream from different places. And I've tried some new flavors which was fun. A new favorite of mine is this sea salt caramel flavor.

Okay, Okay - I think that should be it about guilty pleasure foods! I wanted to take a minute and write about something less serious than I have talked about recently. And this felt right. Do you guys have any favorite guilty pleasure foods that I have mentioned - or some completely different ones?
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_de_Toulouse-Lautrec

https://www.wikiart.org/en/henri-de-toulouse-lautrec

So far after all the artists I have read - I think only 6 or something? - I think Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec has been my favorite. Not only do I like some of the posters he designed but I enjoy his paintings and I liked what I read about him and his interesting life. For those of you who don't know He broke both his legs early on in life and they did not heal correctly which left him with a stunted appearance. The book I was reading which was written in the 70's spoke of him as a dwarf - I'm not sure how accurate that is. He was born into an aristocracy family, if he would have outlived his father he would have inherited the family title - Comte de Toulouse-Lautrec. He came from a family of inbreeding sadly - his parents were first cousins. That may of had a-lot to do with his health problems.

He was born in 1864 and was considered a post impressionist. He spent a good amount of time in brothels and prostitutes and lesbians, showing up beautifully and naturally in his paintings. He preferred the woman in these places as opposed to plain models. Late 19 century in bohemian Paris seemed like it was quite a time and the fact that he created some works of art for us to view now makes it all the more interesting. Some of the copied prints in the book I read had women embracing and having a some form of intimacy. Others were of people in their natural environments. Henri did have an alcoholism problem and had spent some time in a sanatorium for three months and during that time he drew 39 circus portraits by memory, I find that impressive. He died at the young age of 36 of alcoholism and syphilis. His mother and art dealer kept promoting his artwork after his death.
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A week ago or maybe it was two weeks ago now... eh, time sucks at times trying to remember - my head is sort of in a fog currently as I waking up... I read and finished a pretty neat personality quiz book. My mom had it in books for the yard sale Mike and I had last summer and it was left from that to be donated and it caught my eye so I figured why not give it a shot. I'm going to add it to a free little library now. I took a similar test twice over like the last 15 years and got the same results.
'What type am I? Discover who you really are' By Renee Baron
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/330847/what-type-am-i-by-renee-baron/
In this book it discusses the Myer Briggs personality tests and you answer questions set up in a similar way. It was pretty detailed, I enjoyed it. And honestly it was a quick read because after taking your quiz and figuring out what type you are then you just need to read the parts that relate to your results - unless you want to read the whole book. The more power to you then!
Have any of you read similar books or taken personality tests?

I'm a part of the 'Ideal Seekers' - The NF temperament. Their are 4 NF types: INFP, ENFJ, ENFP and INFJ.
NF personality types at their best: compassionate, warm, loyal, helpful, idealistic and genuine.
NF personality types at their worst: hypersensitive, overly emotional, judgmental, impractical, unrealistic and self absorbed.
The one part that stuck with me was that we have an anti-authoritarian attitude and often take sides with the underdog.
We can be known to be warm hearted, affirming, nurturing and empathic.

E: is energized by the external world
N: focuses on visions and possibilities
F: decides according to personal values
J: wants things settled and decided
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This past Saturday - on the 16th - my nephew Alex passed away from an auto accident. He was just 25, literally at the prime of his life. We don't know the surrounding details of the crash. It sounded like it was quick, which I hope it was and I hope he didn't suffer. He was such a smart young man, had a good job, loved to travel, loved nature, loved his family & friends. When I think of Alex I can't think of anything negative or bad. Just a happy, warm soul. His smile lit up his face and he gave off such warmth and friendly vibes. This news has left me feeling pretty numb and broken. I haven't cried this much in a long time. It's been on and off now. I wasn't expecting something on this level to happen. At least not to someone to young. I regret not talking to him more or giving him more hugs.
On Facebook his mother has been sharing pictures and memories of him as well as other people - and he's smiling and looking ahead so proud and ready to take on the world in all of them. Laughing or doing something goofy. I'm glad there are so many memories of him out there now to look back on when we need to. When I think of Alex the expression free spirit comes to mind. I've recently learned and saw new things about my nephew I didn't know. Like he was a Jimmy Hendrix fan - in some recent photos he has some cool band shirts on. Or how passionate he was when it came to nature. I knew he loved it and did some landscaping but had no idea hos personal views on engineering and how nature can be connected. It makes total sense - but hearing it from him left me with goose bumps. He recently cut and donated his hair for wings for cancer patients just like me. His father who is my brother, his mother and two other siblings had a special trip this past April that they went to Florida and had a lovely time. I'm glad they had that trip together.
When he was born in 2000 I was just a teen but I remember being around and watching him grow up. He was always such a happy baby. Beautiful blond hair, blue eyes, a wonderful glowing smile. He was their first child and what a wonderful family they always were and became right before our eyes. All so successful and inspiring, I always feel good when surrounded by them. The idea that he is gone now just tears my heart wide open. I don't know why such cruel events have to happen to any of us - let alone someone so special. The last few times I've seen Alex were at family get togethers like Thanksgiving and Christmas. His mother created this game that we play that was fast placed and fun. It involved dice and switching around random gifts and at the end of the game we all got socks with different designs. I loved it because we all got the same gift, it was a game made for the whole family to connect over. And I remember Alex and I think a few others talking out new ideas for next years game - he was so excited and full of ideas. I love thinking of that little moment. Being together under their family roof and seeing their children as adults now sometimes would leave me aw-struck. I can't imagine how it is for actual parents to have raised a child all the way to adulthood. But just as an aunt siting on the sidelines I witnessed such beauty, love and growth. To see these babies become their own people with their own personalities and then to go out into the world and make a difference - it touches my heart that I knew him and that he's made an impact with so many individuals.
This reminds me of siblings I have lost at all young ages as well. Again, I'm not sure why young souls are taken so early. I like to think Alex is up there in heaven now having some much needed time with relatives he hasn't met yet, some that he has and some new guidance and angles at his side. I made plans days ago with a friend who our thing is going to parks to walk and explore. So I didn't want to cancel, I figured getting out of the house would be good for me. Today while we were out I thought of sweet Alex with almost everything I saw. The trees, the flowers, the water, rocks, birds and butterflies I got to watch. Feeling the breeze, the water as my shoes got wet at times, smelling flowers... How much beauty there is on this earth and to know he will always be with me as my friend and nephew brings me some strength in these difficult times.

I wanted to share this article about him and this short video he is in.
https://quietremembrance.site/alex-forristal-accident-mantua-ohio-man-dies-in-traffic-collision/?fbclid=IwY2xjawMQkI5leHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHvBlD7dLwVnqxSaOk8ugu0GWrGB9y3bMOnCNyxUZ-kehUBLGFf6qn8MR7Xym_aem_59HarmSNSHDY0PKW_CezGA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WYDBWy4_OI

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