a_natural_beauty

I recently read an article in a national geographic this past week about how terrible the dumping and waste of clothes can be in certain parts of the world. I always knew this was an issue - well not ALWAYS always, but probably at least the last 10 or so years I have had some knowledge on it. But reading the article and seeing the numbers really brought it more into light for me. I learned more about the textiles and how long it takes for them to decompose and better yet how much energy is needed to make such textiles. Our world and the people who live in it can be so wasteful... it's heartbreaking on so many ends. They mainly talked about the northern city in Chile, Atacama with it's large stretches' of landfills full of clothes, shoes and accessories. The article goes on to state that between years 2000 and 2014 production of clothing doubled and more than 60% of clothes were being bought than before, only wearing them for half as long as before.
Some are lucky to recycle the clothing like turning it into yarn or stuffing for cushions. Some of the clothes gets taken in and cleaned up and resold to places that has a market for that. Those people who spend their lives doing that see joy in these discarded clothes and the thought of them selling them and giving them another chance is bittersweet. But the thought of how much clothing in general gets made and the energy, materials like water and co2 emissions that get used for so many of those clothes to just end up in dumps is terrible. I feel like the word terrible is an understatement.... Polyester for example when in landfills leaches out chemicals into the soil. To make one pair of jeans it takes 2,000 gallons of water... that is the same amount as drinking 8 cups of water a ay for 10 years! Hemp seems to be more earth friendly than the other textiles they mentioned. The countries who are part of the problem seem to turn a blind eye to it or just don't bother to educate themselves maybe. I wanted to write about this since it felt important and something I learned further on that I want to at least do my part not to make this a worse problem. I will keep repairing the clothes I have.

Woot woot!! I'm happy to finally be back working on my weird little traditional art comic...! I will be posting once week on Comic Fury and once when the whole chapter is finished on Global Comix. Currently I am making recap pages. Here are the links if you guys would like to read:


https://promisedmemories.thecomicseries.com/comics/1


https://globalcomix.com/a/promised-memories

These are two newspaper clippings of me and my dad while he was mayor reading Taxi Dog to a class at my school while I was dressed as a dog. Back from 1994! I was 6 then. I don't remember this moment that well but I'm grateful to have copies of the article and pictures. It has been rather difficult some days.
This week after Mike and I finished up grocery shopping I broke down crying. Due to missing him and seeing several cute old men who just reminded me of him. I truly do miss his presence, his jokes, funny faces and just being able to call him or go over and visit. I have been thinking about the happy times we had together - like this memory I'm sharing with you all - but somedays it still really sucks and I still get sad. Which I know is normal. I've had enough friends, family and others I know that missing someone will hurt some days more than others.

Today Mike and I went to our first Slovak festival. It was a good time, another way I can celebrate and remember my dad. On his side I have Polish and Czechoslovakian in me. Mike has Polish in him. I ate some food I know he would have loved, listened to the music, saw beautiful dancing, things belonging to different countries, talked to different people there today... all with my dad in the back of my mind. I think he would have enjoyed it today. He knew some Polish and would say some random words that he learned from his dad years ago. I wore a mushroom necklace one of my best friends Sarah gave me because of how much my dad and grandfather loved mushrooms. My grandpa Slaby knew how to identify mushrooms.

Hoping those pictures upload well. Remembering how to do this stuff is always fun after not doing it for so long... ^^

Not sure how to start this one off but I want to say sorry it's been awhile since I was last on here.... I think January? The main excuse is just that I haven't been on my laptop in quite some time. I put Promised memories down for a few months and now I'm back at it.
I feel I should write a longer post with a better update but I at least wanted to hop back on here and check things out, write something. If I was the type of person on my laptop more often I think this wouldn't be an issue at all.
Overall I have been doing well, just have been occupied by other things in my life - like having a few hobbies, a full time job, two doggies, a home and yard to keep up with. Those all bring me happiness (the job *sometimes*)...
Anyway, I will try to come back on more often to write and read. Just now was a check in since I had to turn my labtop on for an appointment. I truly hope you all have been staying well and taking care of yourselves. I'll be back on more soon <3 <3 <3

This past Monday morning while I was over at moms she gave me one of the most important things I think I could ever get from my dad: ancestry paperwork and obituaries! There is a descendant report that goes back to the year 1872 when my one ancestor Charles Slaby was born on November 2nd. He was from Bohemia - the village of Vlastec. It then tells how he met and married a woman named Anna Kovar from Cleveland Ohio. She was born June 17th of the same year - 1872 and they were married November 11th 1894, 22 years old. So at some point he was possibly the first ancestor from my dad's Slaby side to come over here to the states before or during 1894. At least that's how it's written up... Then it goes into more details of names and relatives. Three pages of records!!

There are also some very old obituaries and cards from the funerals in the envelope. some relatives who died in the 1930's. Some are somewhat faded but overall they are in good shape. The cards don't give a ton of information besides when they died but I've been able to see some of that information from the family decent report. My dad even wrote out some more notes on the Slaby side starting with his grandfather George Slaby who was born October 19th, 1899 and his wife Anna Matuska (my dad's grandmother) who was born June 2n, 1904.

I've been wanting to see these notes for years and have been asking my dad for years but he could never find them. About a year or two ago my dad accused me of having them and wanting them back - but I had no idea they even existed. I'm sure he' happy to see them now being read and looked into. My mom gave me these papers so now I can go on and try to do some research and learn more. I'd like to try to learn more about their jobs, where they lived in those areas (mostly the Cleveland area here in Ohio) and hobbies. Wish me luck - I'll start doing this more seriously in a few weeks I think.

Things have calmed down a bit with my family. It's been about two months almost since he has passed. So much has happened - some good and some bad. Looking back some of it was silly to be so worried about but then again how could I have known...? For example there was the subject of my nephew David and I honestly wasn't sure what would happen with him and his custody. His mother lost it years ago and my parents are his guardians now. But with my mom's health not in the best something needed to be done with where he would live and who would raise him. While my dad was still alive it was talked about if my parents couldn't keep him that he may go to my one brother and his wife since they got along so well and they are a well adjusted couple with a stable home life. And this was sort of the idea for a few weeks at the start of things. Now things have calmed down between David and his mom and from what I gather he wants to live with her as well as I don't think my brother and his wife are in a place to take on David since they lost their son Alex this past August. But I was somewhat involved I feel like I was more than I should have been but I was worried about David since for awhile there he wasn't wanting to go back to his mothers at all.

Then the topic of being power of attorney for my mother was something I realized I did not want. I was and still am okay being the top person on her living will but the idea of being in charge of everything in general truly caused me deep anxiety. I was actually considering getting on anxiety medication because my worries were so bad that I would mess up on something. But now two of my brothers have taken charge with that role - or Medical power of attorney - I'm not sure to be honest and it's okay to be in the dark with this subject. Hopefully that doesn't sound bad. The idea of making major decisions or following through with legal stuff I feel like would be better for someone else. Maybe that's secretly the good thing about having all older and more experienced siblings. My mom seems to be more understanding about my thoughts on the matter. I will do as much as I can for her and do everything I can otherwise. Taking that weight off my shoulders has helped greatly.

We will be having a meeting tomorrow about things with my mom with my siblings, her and two relativities who have been staying with her. I hope it goes well, there have been some disagreements and issues with some stuff. From my mom's first marriage there are a total of 5 living children. Then Anna and I from my mom and dad and also there are 5 children from my dad's first marriage. Only one daughter is involved, both his sons have passed on as well as his one daughter. But out of those kids it'll just be my mom's biological children involved with this meeting. Sometimes I feel like it's so many kids and then other times it feels like it's going to work out.... mixed feelings at times. Family has and probably always will be complicated.

Back to my dad and grieving him... it's been difficult at strange times. Today for example I was off and home all day, I decided to take a bath. I like to listen to the radio and one of the only stations I could get in was a weird christmas one. It was fine until I got out and one song just caught me off guard... I think it was have a merry little christmas or something along those lines. And towards the end of the song it talked about being all together if the fates allow. And then talking about just getting through it if that wasn't the case.... or something like that. And it just caused me to break out and cry and it sucked. Then there are other times where I am out in public and I just want to go home, I just hate being around strangers and happy people and all the noise and sights and smells. Some kind of overload. Lately this has been happening in restaurants when Mike and I are out. I just get annoyed and cross.
When I do see other old men I don't get mad or sad or anything like that. It honestly makes me happy when I see similar old men that remind me of my dad. I've talked to other people and have read in some of the grief books that sometimes seeing someone who looks like the one you lost can be upsetting but this hasn't been the case with me. My dad would sometimes joke about girls finding him to be a cute old man. He would wear a baseball cap (one of his Vietnam ones usually) and suspenders. That was usually what he would always have one. Sometimes some brightly colored shirts or sometimes some more down to earth colors. Blue jeans or dress pants depending on where he would be going. But it's funny how many other old men wear similar clothes to him or walk like him or just have an air to them that gives me comfort in a strange way. They are still here and alive while my dad is gone. And it doesn't make me mad but just happy that these other cute old men are around living their lives.
After awhile reading the books was making me sad. A few times I would start to get teary eyed while reading and after that happened so many times I was just tired of being like that. Reading usually makes me feel great emotions but to just feel so sad and heavy was getting to be too much. So now I will read other books like 'Sunrise on the reaping' has been a good distraction.
Being at my mom's at times makes me still very sad. Last week I had a good cry when the subject of deserts came up. My mom offered us ice cream and other goodies like my dad would always do and it just sucked... knowing he will never be able to offer us any home made cookies, cakes, brownie's, ice cream again. I hate it. That was one of his favorite things. He would always be baking or cooking. He loved food and sharing it. He made this cinnamon type cake the week that he passed and I took two little pieces back home. It was a yellowish color with homemade white icing. I remember eating a piece the day of his calling hours before I went and the day of his funeral before I went to that, too. And it gave me a sort of weird comfort. The last food my father baked and shared. As I ate both pieces I had another good cry. Food honestly hasn't been the same, I think about him a-lot when I eat strangely enough.
Having his dog now has been a blessing in disguise. Fynn was greatly loved by my father and now that I can love and care for him has been good for me. I feel like I less sad at home now. I play with him, talk with him, take him out on walks. It's peaceful to have him around. And both Wiley and Fynn have become fast friends which is nice. We still need to figure out the potty training. That has been difficult. Also sometimes Fynn is still stealing Wiley's toys which is a pain. Wiley has been better about getting his toys and playing keep away. The two of them will work things out I think, it's been close to a month now and the two have only gotten into two little spats over toys.

I think I have mentioned it before but after we lost Alex in our family some of us started to get things in order with our funerals and planning those out. I'm grateful my dad and mom did this. Just about 20 some days before he passed. My dad and I had a conversation about death and our remains. He bought his plot here in town and for a minute I thought about wanting to be buried next to his plot even through it may not be a green burial. That was when I found out how costly it would be. Dad told me it didn't matter where I would be at when I passed because him and mom had the same view - the body is just a vessel and when we are dead it's just a body. So he supported me in wanting to still do a green burial and after some thought I decided that I could still get that when I pass. Because my dad will always be with me in spirit... and I like to believe he can still live in me and everything I do. That gives me some comfort.

For the last few days I've been reading 'Sunrise on the reaping' by Susanne Collins and it's hard to put down! I've always been such a big Hunger Games fan. With the new movie coming out next November I've been seeing hints about it on social media and out of curiosity picked up the book I bought awhile back. The grief books were good but after awhile it was just making me feel sad and I wanted to read something different for a bit. And this has been a good distraction, especially with Christmas going on and not feeling the holiday spirit this year. It's nice to just throw myself into a book and a series I love.

This book is about Haymitch Abernathy and the Quarter Quell that he ended up winning. So far I am on chapter 13 and there has been a-lot of older characters in the mix. Learning more about Mags, Beetee, Wiress, Plutarch, President Snow and now Effie. And of course Haymitch! There is a-lot that makes sense about his character and backstory. So far the story is pretty messed up with all the corruption of the Capitol and President Snow (I expected no less) and I know it'll only get worse. I loved the second book (Catching Fire) so when I learned that these older victors are a part of the story.

Are any of you guys Hunger Games fans? If you are do you like the movies? The books? Both? Let me know, maybe in the future I'll try to write more about this subject.

Ouch! It wasn't a good experience. I was told a few months ago I would need a cap on my left lower back molder and I had no idea it would be such an experience. 2 1/2 hours at the dentist. I want to say that was the longest I've ever been at the dentist. First step was getting around the tooth taken away and taking out the current filling. Then also this piece of wire to go in-between my gums and tooth.
I have a small mouth to begin with and it was just painful. Even though I was numb my jaw still hurt so much. And the dentist herself wasn't exactly in a good mood, making some somewhat rude comments and I could just feel from her body language that she was wanting to be done with my mouth. The taste of the filling coming out tasted so bad and the other weird things I could taste my mouth were awful. I'm not a big fan of this dentist. But they still take my insurance and they are the closet. I may change in the future... I'm not sure yet.
For the next two weeks I can not chew on that tooth, I have some sort of covering over it now. Chewing gets tiring on just my right side so I haven't been eating much. I haven't been eating much after my fathers death anyway - I just have a lack of interest in eating. So I guess it's good timing... but gosh, like another ten days of this before I go back... it feels like a-lot. Also I can't brush that area or floss around that tooth.
Have any of you ever had to get a cap on any of your teeth? If you have - what was it like?

It took me a couple of months but I'm glad I finished reading 'Chrono crusade' again. I think this was the third time reading it. I bought it back when I was in high school, one of the first manga series I got into. I always liked the action, humor, art, characters and story. Being just a teen back then it was probably a bit on the heavy side but I that's okay! It's only eight volumes long, if any of you are curious to read it. I feel like it was a fairly simple read and wasn't too timely. I don't want to give too many spoilers but some of my favorite parts were the start of it with the characters together like Azmaria and Satella with Rosette and Chrono working as a dysfunctional team. And I loved the later volumes that cover the flashbacks with Mary Magdalene and Chrono. IT would have made the story too long but I wish the four characters - Rosette, Chrono, Azmaria and Satella - would of had a bit more time together since they felt like they had a good thing going for the plot and worked well together. It felt strange finishing up the last volume after my dad's passing since so much of the book covered topics like death, loss and sudden changes in life. Bittersweet almost.
Next I'm going to be reading different comic books I have laying around that I have been meaning to get rid of. Maybe later on in winter I'll re-read another manga series but for now I'm good just focusing on reading books I'd like to rehome.

I know I was going to start trying to get into the habit of coming back on here again but I have some terrible news - as you all know from the title of this post. My father, my dear daddy passed away on this past Friday the 24th. My mother and him were home, it was about 3 in the afternoon before my nephew who lives with them was expected to come home. My mom got up from her chair in the living room and fell. When she went down she was in such pain - she knew she broke her arm. My dad went go to get her but when he stood up he had complications somehow - either it was his heart or his breathing since he didn't have his oxygen. My mom could hear him but not see him with how she landed and he was yelling for David to come home, that they needed help. David came home and found them - mom on the floor and dad hardly able to stand. David went to get his oxygen - which was on the other side of the room - to try to put on him but dad had just enough time to tell his grandson that he was dying and to call 911 for mom. I think it was after this dad fell onto the floor or he was already on the floor, I can't recall. David made the call and they came. My mom was in shock when she found out he had passed. When I got there they were taking her out in a stretcher and my sister and I got to go upstairs with David to see dad. It was more awful than I expected. There was some blood by him so the next day there was talk that it may have also been a brain animism? I honestly think it was his heart or breathing. My mother and nephew are filled with guilt. The night we came back from the hospital she cried all night and kept saying she killed him because if she wouldn't have fallen he would still be here. We all know that isn't true but still, how can you convince her - she's grieving her best friend and husband. I feel like David's guilt may recover sooner but he is still filled with hurt. I'm filled with a mix of emotions - why this way???? Why couldn't he have died in his sleep? Or down in the basement or somewhere else where it didn't involve my mom and nephew like that... it just upsets me so. Each day I've been crying a bit less, but still just crying and mad and sad and confused and scared and lost. We have been preparing for my mom's death. For months now she has been going down hill. Someday I may be more at peace but for now I still can't understand why the three of them had to be involved like this...
So many other events followed after this tragedy. I'm still trying to grieve for him and deal with present bullshit that some of my family is causing. We knew there would be issues when my father passed but I never expected things to happen so soon and so badly. A few people in my family have turned out to be pretty awful just days after his passing and I have been learning who I can trust and who I cannot going forward. But I may go into that in another post. For right now I am trying to honor him and remember him for the wonderful person he is. November 17th would have been his birthday and I already gave him his gift - a Cleveland browns clock I won in a pumpkin painting contest at the start of the month.
Today is his calling hours. I am putting in his casket a coupon book I made him several years ago, two younger photos of me - one of me in kindergarten and my senior year photo and I wrote him a short letter. Tomorrow is the funeral - on Halloween - which I think someone mentioned would be a bad day for it, but I don't think my dad would have cared. He liked Halloween. In the meantime I don't know much much time I will have free because I will be helping my mother and nephew as much as I can be. I put my comic Promised Memories on hiatus for now. It's strange, I was actually thinking about that as of lately, of what it would be like if it was on hiatus. I love you all and hope you are doing well. Take care of yourselves and give your loved ones hugs and kisses when you can. Life is way to unexpected, short and unfair.