Things you may not know about me #4

[a_natural_beauty]

I'm childless and happy that way.

For the majority of my life I never felt the want or need to have children or to become a mom. There was two times where I thought for a short amount of time I might want to be a mother and have a family - the one being where I was in my early 20's and lived out on my own and with my boyfriend at the time and really was getting into that whole domestic thing - even through ironically he was never home. Which that plus some other part of our relationship lead to us ending things and me buying my home. It's even more ironic that now he is happily married with a child when that was the future I wanted with him but he didn't want with me. Eh, these things are what lead us to different and better paths eventually. It's funny how life turns out.
And the second time I was out of my control with my hormones. If I ever feel comfortable to write about it I will share it in a private post to those of you I feel comfortable with knowing that part of my life... But to put it simply - it was a lonely and difficult time for me full of a roller coaster of emotions. In my brain I didn't want a baby, but my physical body wanted it. I think this was the worst agony I've ever personally gone through.

I do give so much respect to all of the moms out there - to me parenting and raising a little one is one of the most intense things one could possibly go through. I do get there are many rewards and feelings of happiness, too. It's just never felt like a way I want my destiny & future to go.
I'm sure most of you who have known me for a bit of time know this already, but I felt like this was an okay topic to write about. I don't know if I need to go into this any further and that's okay, too.

Comments

[matt_zimmer]

I don't have kids either. I don't think I'd be very good at raising them. I'd try to be their friend and refuse to b.s. them which would warp them. Gilda and Bernadette's fucked up relationship is sort of me putting why I don't have kids right there on the page.

[yourlibrarian]

I don't think you need to go into it anymore if you don't want to. I have been childless by choice my whole life and had a tubal ligation very early. I never had any interest in children or motherhood and also felt much better knowing that, as uncertain as the future is, one big derailment in any plans would not be kids.

Your discussion of the two times you wondered about doing so reminded me of a friend who did want kids with her first husband, and they even planned where they would go and what they'd do to create a domestic life. To keep things short, they ended up divorcing and he lived out their plans with someone else. Even at the time of her marriage she realized that much of what kept her in the relationship was that desire for motherhood as time ticked on. Later when she met her second husband, who didn't want kids, she discovered that it really wasn't necessary for her any more either. They've been happily married for over 25 years now and she's glad they didn't go that route.

[adafrog]

I think children are a personal choice (usually). When I was younger people would say 'oh, you'll change your mind, blah blah blah' So frustrating because they just couldn't see any POV except their own.

As to your hard section of life- {{{hugs}}}

[brisus]

Sounds like you dealt with some heavy things previously. I think what is important is that you're confident and comfortable with your decision (to have or not have kids). No one should be able to force that upon you.

Thanks for sharing this. I feel like I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum--My brain tells me I want kids, but my body refuses.

[zefyr]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts regarding this topic. It's often not the easiest to speak about, as there's some social pressure and taboo involved. I don't believe people should be pressured to have children or not; we all lead such different lives, it's difficult to say whether it'd be a positive thing for someone to bring a child into the world. Each person has their own journey in life that may or may not include them. I think it is and should be an ideal, though, and do believe that we can live in a world where more people want to have children. That's another world, but I believe it's possible.

Personally, I never wanted a child in my early adulthood. I was terrified of it due to my own experience of father-son relations. It's only recently I've felt like I'd very much like to be a father myself, but I look around me, and I really wouldn't want to bring a child into this world. Things are getting worse and worse, and I'd have to be there for them and wouldn't want them to go through anything so painful as the loss of a loved one at an early age. It's painful enough to lose a loved one due to something like cancer or heart disease or something, but it's another to lose them at the hands of other human beings. Human life is the most important thing, and I believe it must be protected at all costs. The Jains says that it's the function of souls to help one another.