WARNING - this entry will be on the subject of rape, sexual abuse, ect. So take caution while reading. Keep scrolling if this is a difficult topic for you to read about.
So awhile back - maybe a month or two ago - as I was making my way through the Nana manga series I came across a pretty close encounter of sexual abuse that happens in a later volume. This triggered something in me that made me not want to read anymore into that series. I was overall liking it for awhile but then it just turned me off completely. It left such a bad taste in my mouth. The scene was between a couple and I think that's what my issue with it was. I have gone through some sexual abuse when I was much younger and it was with a partner, someone I trusted on a very personal level that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. There was a-lot of deeper issues that went on, some darker things that I may write about some day but I think staying on one topic is best. So I think that because the one character Nana and her (somewhat boyfriend - I don't think they made it official but it's pretty clear they are in a relationship now) boyfriend have a scene where he forces himself on her, she isn't consenting and it's terribly uncomfortable.
Since my incidents of sexual abuse happened I've seen and read about other forms and it was usually always with a person that wasn't a partner. And when it was a partner was when it because a trigger for me. But honestly I can't remember the last time I experienced a forum of media that was between partners. Currently I am reading a book that is called "Our bodies, their battlefields" by Christina Lamb. And that book dives deep into women who are victims of war and their lives are never the same due to so many reasons - one of them being taken into becoming a sex slave by the enemy. I read the first 30 pages today. And while this bothered me it didn't bother me on the level that Nana did, as strange as that may sound. Also A handmaids tale - the books and the T.V. show didn't bother me as much as it did for some because the scenes of rape that happen are not between a couple.
I think it comes down to the feeling I once had for someone who I gave my heart to and hurt me on a physical and emotional level I didn't know what possible. And then still trying to love and forgive that person. It was a troubling time for me. I've read that one can sometimes get over a traumatic experience within a few years - but I don't think this is the case for me. But like the title of this entry says, "I'm learning about myself all the time'.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
