Depression
Feb. 13th, 2024 06:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a_natural_beautyWhen I found out this past October that I was most likely going to need to get on thyroid medication I was in shock. In all 35 years of my life I was never on medication (besides an allergy pill for a few months at a time) and the idea that my body was to depend on a pill scared me. I'm not opposed to pills or medication, I just don't like the idea for myself. I know it works for so many around the world, there's no doubting that. Here I am over 4 months later and I have seen the effects this medication has on me. I brought up a few months back about my depression and how I want to get ahold of that issue next.
My doctors visit is the day after tomorrow and I'm going to admit about my depression and how it makes me feel. That I think I need help, to talk to a professional. And that fills me with fear. I have in the past gone to therapists and counselors. They weren't the best experiences. I've been thinking maybe I should look into getting a medication for my depression. If that could help me handle it. Sometimes I am on cloud nine and then all of a sudden I get very sad and depressed. Like a snap of my fingers. Mostly this happens before my period. I hope as you guys are reading this it doesn't gross you out or feel too personal. Sorry if it has that effect. Other times it can just be when I come home to an empty house. I'm hoping that maybe by getting my betta fish that will help with some of my loneliness. At times it happens when I am sitting around others who are happily engaged in talking about their lives and future plans. Sometimes I feel like I don't have much of a future. When it hits I just get so sad. Sometimes I will just feel lost even surrounded by my loved ones. Or I'll be driving down the road and hear a song that brings me to tears. I've always felt I feel things on a deeper level and as I've been aging I feel it more intensely. Even now in writing about this and being open about it, it feels good but it still hurts so much. Hopeless is a good word to describe how I feel when it happens. I just don't know how to manage. Sleep only works so long for so much. But I have been back to taking naps again almost daily. I feel most of it comes from my head. A chemical imbalance that hopefully can be numbed.
I feel vulnerable at the thought of explaining to my doctor how this overcomes me at times. But I know it needs done. I worry about my mental health and how it's taken a toll on my physical health. Also I'm worried by going on a new medication it might change me. I mean, it'll help if that's what I need - but I guess I'm just nervous about the unknown. For those of you who have been in similar situations, what got you through? Thank you for listening to my rambling of this mess.
My doctors visit is the day after tomorrow and I'm going to admit about my depression and how it makes me feel. That I think I need help, to talk to a professional. And that fills me with fear. I have in the past gone to therapists and counselors. They weren't the best experiences. I've been thinking maybe I should look into getting a medication for my depression. If that could help me handle it. Sometimes I am on cloud nine and then all of a sudden I get very sad and depressed. Like a snap of my fingers. Mostly this happens before my period. I hope as you guys are reading this it doesn't gross you out or feel too personal. Sorry if it has that effect. Other times it can just be when I come home to an empty house. I'm hoping that maybe by getting my betta fish that will help with some of my loneliness. At times it happens when I am sitting around others who are happily engaged in talking about their lives and future plans. Sometimes I feel like I don't have much of a future. When it hits I just get so sad. Sometimes I will just feel lost even surrounded by my loved ones. Or I'll be driving down the road and hear a song that brings me to tears. I've always felt I feel things on a deeper level and as I've been aging I feel it more intensely. Even now in writing about this and being open about it, it feels good but it still hurts so much. Hopeless is a good word to describe how I feel when it happens. I just don't know how to manage. Sleep only works so long for so much. But I have been back to taking naps again almost daily. I feel most of it comes from my head. A chemical imbalance that hopefully can be numbed.
I feel vulnerable at the thought of explaining to my doctor how this overcomes me at times. But I know it needs done. I worry about my mental health and how it's taken a toll on my physical health. Also I'm worried by going on a new medication it might change me. I mean, it'll help if that's what I need - but I guess I'm just nervous about the unknown. For those of you who have been in similar situations, what got you through? Thank you for listening to my rambling of this mess.
