Entries tagged with sadness

Current Mood: blah

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I need some input and thoughts on this subject please!

https://www.npr.org/2025/03/24/nx-s1-5338622/23andme-bankruptcy-genetic-data-privacy

So sadly not too long ago tonight I learned of 23&me filing for bankruptcy. I love this site, it's been my "go to" for finding out more about myself as well as for my mom and dad. It wasn't too long ago I wrote about my results from this site and the other I use - ancestry.com. But 23&me was my favorite, I feel like it was easy to understand, modern and educational. I found a distant cousin who lives in England who we are friends and talk on FB. Other family members use this site, too.
Now I'm not sure what I should do... should I wipe my genetic data from the site? How risky is it if it's still on there... who may come of it? I feel like there are more important questions to be asked and sorted out. I'm going to give it some time and think it over but I thought I'd see if any of you have any thoughts on this matter. I'd appreciate any advice. This bums me out quite a bit.

Current Mood: uncomfortable
Current Music: Irish pub rock radio on Pandora

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New puppy (sort of) around at my household

A few days before Christmas my family got together some donations for the local animal shelter. While we were there Mike had wanted to look at the dogs. They were cleaning so we couldn't go in and look at all of them so he had the choice of finding one to look at from the website. So he picked one, a 1 year and 8 month old mixed breed named Wiley. Long story short he adopted Wiley.
But due to him still having to live where he lives now and me living where I live an hour and 10 minutes away the dog Wiley will be back and forth between our homes. Until he can move in. Which is how it'll have to be for at least 6 months or so. In a few short days of having Wiley around it made me realize how nice having a dog is and now I'm bummed this is going to be how it is for that amount of time. The last time I had a dog was several years ago and honestly I thought I would swear off having a dog again. Having him around while living alone is nice and then having him gone like this reminds me of how lonely it is to be alone. Also I think it's a mixed of the holidays and other factors that are making me feel sad & anxious over this and not as excited as I once was.
I used to volunteer at that same Animal shelter and it's important to set up a good routine in the first three months. The first few weeks and first three months in general are a pretty important time for the animal being adopted. So now being bounced around between houses stresses me out because I don't think it's going to set a good schedule for him. But this is his dog so I feel like it's important for the dog to stay with him. Also the dog is more attached to him than me.
I'm mostly using this post/blog to vent since it's been on my mind for several days now and it feels good to write it out. I'm not trying to bash my partner or anything, I'm just stressed over this and it's going to be a long winter and spring. I'm glad to have this safe space to write about this. I feel you guys won't judge anyone in this situation. Right now I'm trying to remind myself of the serenity prayer and how this is something I cannot control and to keep myself emotionally from getting too involved with the dog for now. Until things are different I think this is the best for my mental health. It may sound selfish but yesterday and last night I felt a sadness and anxiety I haven't felt before and it really sucked.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Arcade Fire Radio on Pandora

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Depression

When I found out this past October that I was most likely going to need to get on thyroid medication I was in shock. In all 35 years of my life I was never on medication (besides an allergy pill for a few months at a time) and the idea that my body was to depend on a pill scared me. I'm not opposed to pills or medication, I just don't like the idea for myself. I know it works for so many around the world, there's no doubting that. Here I am over 4 months later and I have seen the effects this medication has on me. I brought up a few months back about my depression and how I want to get ahold of that issue next.

My doctors visit is the day after tomorrow and I'm going to admit about my depression and how it makes me feel. That I think I need help, to talk to a professional. And that fills me with fear. I have in the past gone to therapists and counselors. They weren't the best experiences. I've been thinking maybe I should look into getting a medication for my depression. If that could help me handle it. Sometimes I am on cloud nine and then all of a sudden I get very sad and depressed. Like a snap of my fingers. Mostly this happens before my period. I hope as you guys are reading this it doesn't gross you out or feel too personal. Sorry if it has that effect. Other times it can just be when I come home to an empty house. I'm hoping that maybe by getting my betta fish that will help with some of my loneliness. At times it happens when I am sitting around others who are happily engaged in talking about their lives and future plans. Sometimes I feel like I don't have much of a future. When it hits I just get so sad. Sometimes I will just feel lost even surrounded by my loved ones. Or I'll be driving down the road and hear a song that brings me to tears. I've always felt I feel things on a deeper level and as I've been aging I feel it more intensely. Even now in writing about this and being open about it, it feels good but it still hurts so much. Hopeless is a good word to describe how I feel when it happens. I just don't know how to manage. Sleep only works so long for so much. But I have been back to taking naps again almost daily. I feel most of it comes from my head. A chemical imbalance that hopefully can be numbed.

I feel vulnerable at the thought of explaining to my doctor how this overcomes me at times. But I know it needs done. I worry about my mental health and how it's taken a toll on my physical health. Also I'm worried by going on a new medication it might change me. I mean, it'll help if that's what I need - but I guess I'm just nervous about the unknown. For those of you who have been in similar situations, what got you through? Thank you for listening to my rambling of this mess.