a_natural_beauty (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
a_natural_beauty) wrote2023-09-11 08:52 pm
a_natural_beauty) wrote2023-09-11 08:52 pm
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Good bye to an inspiring, kind and creative soul
Last night when I got home from my drive from my boyfriend's (about an hour and 10 minutes give or take) I enjoyed using my new GPS feature where I can call him from that. As we talked and I was home getting my stuff into my house he told me he had bad news. Never did I think he was going to tell me what he did. That a fellow friend of ours took his own life over the weekend. News broke out on comic fury and discord, but I pay little mind to that somedays. I learned that it was someone I considered a dear friend named Joshua.
I think I first officially met him was in The New Room Of Scrutiny, which is a fun forum that your characters are in a room and answer random questions. He actually drew my one character Ruby! Then I joined in with his very active forum on Comic Fury "Draw your characters doing stuff: Crystal edition". I joined and added in adult characters of mine to do the different prompts. Each week it would be something different and creative. Somewhere along the way I either started reading his comic Minimal or we started talking on discord. Both happened and I enjoyed it all. I love his story, characters, art and plot. There was such a huge fan base for his works and it is no wonder why. We sent a few messages back and fourth sometimes and he drew Princess Fay for a fan art piece, I need to find that and share it. Eventually he started reading my comic and supporting it full force, which I couldn't be more honored and happy about.
Between last night and today when I was on discord and CF I saw probably at least a hundred positive comments about him. At least. He effected so many lives, all in good ways. Supportive, funny, kind, helpful and open minded are just a few words I would use to describe him. But the one above all that I have mentioned to others is inspiring. He had some very close friends, people who I think they talked every day. I know those people are hurting the most, but it's others who are also hurting like myself. I wish I would have gotten to know him better, I wish I would have known. One thing I mentioned to Myk was that I had no idea he was ever suffering. He always seemed so positive and happy. And that's what is scary most of all. He was truly a beautiful person and things won't be the same on CF.
Also a little fun side fact about Joshua was that he actually put all the information I have been sharing in The new room of scrutiny and with reading my comic, he predicted how things will happen next. Which blew my mind, I wasn't sure anyone was paying that much attention, but he was. He sent me a message telling me how he felt things were going to go and it was pretty much 100% right.
I hope you all take care as you read this. Know that I am always here to talk to, no matter what. I have lost two other friends fresh out of highschool and now this is the third I have lost. I don't want any of you to ever feel alone. I do from time to time and it's not a good feeling. But we have each other. I know I have some of you who I can talk to and I hope the same goes for me. Even if it is just a shoulder to lean on when you are having a difficult day, or something more drastic is going down in your life. I don't want you to feel alone. I love all of you on some level and care. I hope Joshua knew this in his final moments and I hope he didn't suffer. May his memory live on and may people still enjoy his comics, characters, art and guidance.
I think I first officially met him was in The New Room Of Scrutiny, which is a fun forum that your characters are in a room and answer random questions. He actually drew my one character Ruby! Then I joined in with his very active forum on Comic Fury "Draw your characters doing stuff: Crystal edition". I joined and added in adult characters of mine to do the different prompts. Each week it would be something different and creative. Somewhere along the way I either started reading his comic Minimal or we started talking on discord. Both happened and I enjoyed it all. I love his story, characters, art and plot. There was such a huge fan base for his works and it is no wonder why. We sent a few messages back and fourth sometimes and he drew Princess Fay for a fan art piece, I need to find that and share it. Eventually he started reading my comic and supporting it full force, which I couldn't be more honored and happy about.
Between last night and today when I was on discord and CF I saw probably at least a hundred positive comments about him. At least. He effected so many lives, all in good ways. Supportive, funny, kind, helpful and open minded are just a few words I would use to describe him. But the one above all that I have mentioned to others is inspiring. He had some very close friends, people who I think they talked every day. I know those people are hurting the most, but it's others who are also hurting like myself. I wish I would have gotten to know him better, I wish I would have known. One thing I mentioned to Myk was that I had no idea he was ever suffering. He always seemed so positive and happy. And that's what is scary most of all. He was truly a beautiful person and things won't be the same on CF.
Also a little fun side fact about Joshua was that he actually put all the information I have been sharing in The new room of scrutiny and with reading my comic, he predicted how things will happen next. Which blew my mind, I wasn't sure anyone was paying that much attention, but he was. He sent me a message telling me how he felt things were going to go and it was pretty much 100% right.
I hope you all take care as you read this. Know that I am always here to talk to, no matter what. I have lost two other friends fresh out of highschool and now this is the third I have lost. I don't want any of you to ever feel alone. I do from time to time and it's not a good feeling. But we have each other. I know I have some of you who I can talk to and I hope the same goes for me. Even if it is just a shoulder to lean on when you are having a difficult day, or something more drastic is going down in your life. I don't want you to feel alone. I love all of you on some level and care. I hope Joshua knew this in his final moments and I hope he didn't suffer. May his memory live on and may people still enjoy his comics, characters, art and guidance.
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His memory shall live on forever.
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My friends (and the guy's boss) cussed the hell out of him, but I didn't stuck around for that. I WAS suffering mentally from a horrible day, and the club outing with my friends was supposed to be my escape. Instead, I was reminded of why people like me (not just Black, but also "assumed" to be a threat because I was showing signs of mental exhaustion) are still targets of racism and discrimination. And in SAN FRANCISCO, a city I loved ever since childhood. But hey, we're living in an age where Blackness is more of a sin than ever in America. I guess I have to play along. It's not like I have a CHOICE.
People I love are dying or either being distanced from me, while pain-in-my-posteriors are always popping up. Even the job I love is becoming a problem due to co-worker bickering and disrespect towards our disabled clients. I'm not sure WHAT to think anymore, and the therapy that could help me through it all seems to be constantly yanked from under my feet with cancellations and delays. It's really hard right now.
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It's terrible how people view others biased on how their appearance is. I feel like some of the nicest people I have ever met have been people who others just walk by and don't give a chance to. The world is full of narrow minded people.
On the subject of that, I dated a black man for a-little over two years and some of the stories of how the world treated him and viewed him broke my heart. He wasn't even completely open about it until after we broke up, I think because maybe he didn't want to tell me such sad things while we were a couple.
I'm truly sorry you are going through so much. If you ever need anyone to talk to, know I am here. :(
I hope some relief is on your way.