a_natural_beauty | Body acceptance rant

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Body acceptance rant

Recently in Pokemon Go there was an update where you have more options for your character's physical appearance. As I was going through and updating mine I was pleased to see the different body types they now offer. And some of the other games in recent years have this and I am happy to see it becoming more and more popular. We are not all a size 0 with a big bust, strong biceps, a tight behind... so it puts my mind at ease when I see such changes happening. Especially when you are younger and you are still learning to love and accept yourself (I believe this takes time for some of us more than others). So when you play as a character who you want to make to look like yourself - it's good to have a size to match!

When I was 17/18 and in my last few years of high school I had an eating disorder. Before this I was pretty chubby - I have the stretch marks to prove it. I was a pretty depressed teenager and made myself feel better by eating. I don't want to go into much detail because I don't want to blame anyone or shame them online, but regardless I started eating less and less. To the point where I went from 130 some pounds to 90 within a few months. It was terrible. I wanted to be skinny. And once I got skinny I just wanted to keep with it and make sure I stayed that size.

I don't think it was until after I graduated and started to become more of myself in my early 20's that I started to put the weight back on. That was a chapter in my life I am more open about today. I feel that a-lot of young people - and honestly anyone at any age - can go through. There is so much pressure to be skinny and to look a certain way. Maybe things are getting easier in the sense where there are more people in Hollywood with all sorts of body sizes, but sometimes I feel like this is still a never ending battle. Still at times I feel a bit insecure by my size, I feel like mentally it's something I will always struggle with. But my weight is at a good point for where I am.

How many of you guys can relate to this on some level? I feel like it's a bigger problem than society wants to talk about.

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I'm fat and my last friend abandoned me because I'm fat. I definitely have hang-ups about it.

oh my gosh.... because of that??!??! They don't sound like a friend at all to me. :-(
I'm sorry to hear that.

It was probably more than that but that was her excuse. It's telling society told her that was an acceptable one.

I'm not so much fat as I'm a bit "bent forward" when I'm standing (a slight spine curve, probably from carrying such a heavy backpack from middle school to end of high school). Also, for some reason, my stomach kinda hangs at the waist level (I think it's because of wearing pants/jeans that are tight around the waist for nearly half of my life so far). The thought of going to the beach or a swimming pool, or even a gym seriously scares me due to this.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. :-( Do you have decent insurance? Maybe you could look into going to get it looked at? Maybe you just need a back brace or something. You are far too young to have a bad back! But I remember high school and having all my books, too.

Yeah, I'm at the point in my late 30's that now I think I will just shop for bathing suits and not bikinis anymore. Just because my belly is something I'm not sure I will ever be able to get rid of (and that's okay!)but I don't want other people seeing it.
You could always wear a shirt when you go swimming. I've swam with enough people who have done this and it's not as noticeable as you would think.

I was 126 lbs and 5'8" tall in highschool. My sisters used to tell me to turn sideways and disappear, I was that thin. I ate a lot, mostly because the doctor told me to gain some weight.
Depression was a thing, I ate to compensate, but the weight didn't really come on till I got married and moved to Germany. Mmmmm....very good food there. I enjoyed myself. I gained a whole 10 lbs. We think my thyroid was hyper at that point, because I was very active.
I had my son over there, and had put on 40 lbs. Those pounds came off the weeks following his birth, due to severe stress, activity levels and downright no time to take care of me. He was cholicky, I was alone with him, in a foreign country with very little help, and hubby was in Northern Germany on a field exercise with his squadron. The doctors were impressed with the weight loss. I say it was the breast feeding that helped. Fat went out of me and into my son.
Fast forward to me in my 40's, not as active due to back and knee injuries catching up with me. I started putting pounds on, my stress levels were still high. Then I got very sick, the doctor said it was Hashimoto's Disease, which effects the Thyroid gland.
I went from that uber skinny girl to one that couldn't get the pounds off.
I blew up to 315lb. I did all I could to get the weight off, but the cartilege in my knees wore out, and my back has degenerative disc disease. I'm in my chair more than on my feet.
Two years ago, on March 23, I had my gastric bypass. I did this as a last resort, because nothing else was working. It saved my live. I'm down 115lbs, and more mobile.
I won't say it's perfect, but it's a lot better than the state I was in 2+ years ago.
I love food, and it's an addiction now. It's a drug of choice when I'm down. Since I can only eat a little bit due to the size of my pouch, I don't gain weight.
It is extreme, but it's the only way I could get control of my addiction. I'm grateful it wasn't alcohol, drugs, sex, or gambling. It's food. I will never be over it, it will always be there. I substitute healthy stuff like yogurt or carrots when I'm craving and remind myself that craving is a psychological thing.
That's my story, and I wish I could help more. I'm proud of how I've handled things, and how I look. I can wear dresses and jeans again. I'm body positive too. Hugs.

Wow, that's an amazing story! You've been through so much! Have you recently had your thyroid tested? Blood work I mean? I found out about 6 months ago I had issues with mine and had to go on medication. I feel it made a big difference with my periods (They used to be very heavy) and my energy levels. But also my weight was a big issue, and once my body got adjusted to the medication I feel like it helped at least some.

How is your son doing doing now?

It truly is an addiction. I eat now sometimes out of being lonely or just depressed. Food has always made me feel happy and gives me comfort.

I'm sorry to hear about your health now. I know what you mean about having bad knees. Mine get achy a-lot at times when the weather is colder or I'm walking too much.

You helped plenty! I'm grateful you shared so much. I've never been to Germany but my brother and his family lived there for a short time and did send back some goodies before and they were delicious. Do you still live there? I'm happy to hear you can wear the clothes you want, that's a special feeling. *hugs*

at my heaviest i was 200. Im about 170 right now, but in the last decade i was as low as 125 which was mostly via disordered eating. I want to lose some, and my metabolism is poor and i dont want to torture myself

so idk. shit is hard. i want to be healthy, i want to look good. i want to be kind to myself

It is very hard to lose weight! And losing it as you get older seems like more of a struggle. The most important thing you mentioned is to be kind to yourself. *hugs* Don't ever forget that.

>> Recently in Pokemon Go there was an update where you have more options for your character's physical appearance. As I was going through and updating mine I was pleased to see the different body types they now offer. <<

Diversity is good.

>> There is so much pressure to be skinny and to look a certain way.<<

Sometimes just plain force. Parents control what children are allowed to eat. Colleges can kick out students whose weight is displeasing. Employers can fire employees for being too fat or thin or whatever. Doctors will warp or outright deny healthcare -- not to mention how many people avoid the system because the first thing, before offering anything of actual use, is always a demand for weighing. The government very much believes that it owns everyone's body. That's a problem. And if you don't want to participate in America's psychotic weight culture, that greatly limits your ability to interact with society at all.

And the result of all this unhealthy obsession? A nation of mostly fat people. Because the government screams at people to be skinny but then subsidizes sugar, bans skateboarding, and can't be arsed to make sidewalks. >_< It is not sane. Being healthy while all the people around you are batshit crazy is really hard. Finding edible food in America's contaminated foodstream is also difficult.

Several months ago, though, I saw a top that made me laugh: "Beach gonna get whatever body I give it." \o/

That is an excellent point about the doctors and getting your weight taken! I've never thought of that before... but they can deny you care for that?? I didn't know about the colleges... that's scary, too. It's honestly just scary living in a world like this.

I feel like a-lot of judgement is made within the first few minutes of meeting someone. And that isn't fair at all. We are so much more than what our body shows. My heart breaks for all of those people who had to g through these experiences.

Yes! I love that saying! :D

>> I've never thought of that before... but they can deny you care for that?? <<

Any attempt to resist "company policy" is often met with "then I can't help you." They can do anything they want, as long as they don't annoy people with power. The most that victims can usually do in protest, if they have these freedoms, is leave without treatment and/or seek a new provider -- and nowadays, tell 2000 of your friends online. But even if you have freedom of choice, it's not much use when most or all medics are doing the same vicious things.

Then they bitch when people don't come to them and don't tell them things. Well duh. So yeah, if care is shitty and abusive, people will often avoid it if they possibly can.

>> I didn't know about the colleges... that's scary, too. <<

It's something I've heard a reference to more than once, although it doesn't seem ubiquitous.

I'm also aggravated by the fashion industry, which went from controlling women's bodies by mandating maximum weights for models ... to controlling women's bodies by mandating minimum weights after people bitched about the maximums. As if the problem wasn't controlling women's bodies in the first place. >_<

>> It's honestly just scary living in a world like this.<<

Sadly so. I find it less worth my while to go out in. After all, if I stay home, the wildlife doesn't give a flying fuck about how I look as long as I fill the feeders, pour the water, and plant the landscaping. This is altogether better company than 99.9% of humans.

>> I feel like a-lot of judgement is made within the first few minutes of meeting someone.<<

Most people do that. Me, I'll take a first impression, but I don't imagine that it tells me much about the person. It takes time to get to know someone. A first impression is just ...
* Is this person wearing any kind of signal suggestive of a group I favor? (pride flag, tie-dye, spacescape, etc.)
* Or conversely, a danger signal? (a huge cross or American flag, or worse, a confederate flag)
* Do they seem safe to approach?
* Do they seem useful to something I'm trying to do?

Body size/shape doesn't tell me a lot. A person with serious muscles would be more threat in a fight, but without any other signal, doesn't tell me if they're prone to picking fights. A person with a super fit and sexy body might be a mean girl, but I'd get more of that from fashion mode than physique alone.

>> And that isn't fair at all. We are so much more than what our body shows.<<

Most humans can't even figure out that they are not their body. This causes a lot of problems. Me, it's just a meatsuit I'm wearing for not even a century. It's outright misleading if you think the package tells you much about the contents. Though if you watch my body language you can clock some of the other things that I am.

>> My heart breaks for all of those people who had to g through these experiences. <<

Yeah. There are worse examples than weight, though. Society is downright brutal to people with facial differences, or no face.

https://www.bbc.com/news/education-50167927

https://web.archive.org/web/20211117123226/https://aboutfaceyork.com/2021/11/the-movement-for-face-equality/

I think the biggest issue with weight is that it affects everyone because the whole society is just soaked in prejudice and misconceptions -- and everyone has a weight, and no weight is safe from criticism. The sheer scope is what makes it devastating.

Yeah, the fashion industry is a very demented place. So much goes on that is NOT okay. Learning more about it makes me more and more sad that women and men as well fall into these traps. Also clothing in general and how it is made in other countries worries me. Human rights and child labor laws do not seem to be a concern to most of these companies. But that's a totally new and sad conversation.

I totally agree about wildlife. Animals, plants, nature as a whole we don't need to worry about any of that. We can just be ourselves and be happy in the moment.

I like your thoughts on when you first meet someone! Those are good thoughts to have when first seeing someone. And I love that term! Meatsuit! That's totally correct! We are all just going about life in meatsuits when you think about it!

Thank you. I'm always happy to hear your thoughts and that you share more information with me. :-)

Glad they're having better character options.

Yes! :-)

I have (had?) a reasonably fast metabolism, and for many years was reasonably active, and thus through a combination of genetics and temperament* really never had to think about what I was eating, or how much. Possibly helped by being (mostly) vegetarian since the end of primary school.

But now, in my 50s, with my metabolism slowing down, I'm nearly 20kg heavier than the weight I was through my 20s, andI'm having to notice when my thinking is internalised fat phobia. I've learned that one can say no to having one's weight taken at the doctor, and that if a straight 'no' gets some push back a phrase that implies I get a little too focused on the numbers works (something along the lines of 'it's not good for me to get too focused on my weight'). I did have a doctor who was a little too focused on BMI (rant: that is a population measure that should never be applied to individuals) and that plus a couple of other things means I now have another doctor, who hasn't asked me to get weighed at all, just keeps track of my blood pressure (family history of heart trouble and stroke).

* not quite the right word. But kind of -- I was more likely to ignore eating when I lived alone because 'what to eat' was one more decision I didn't want to make, so if I was at home I might miss a meal, or eat fruit or bread instead. This was balanced by me being very committed to always taking lunch to uni, and always always (despite issues that have later cleared up to probably being 'everything I was trying contained gluten') ate breakfast, so I didn't get desperately hungry through the day. And because processed food was more expensive, and I was desperately poor, I ate a lot of the simple foods that are supposed to be good for keeping blood sugar steady, and not making one get sudden hunger spikes.

When I was younger my metabolism was very fast, too. I feel like mine slowed down once I hit 30.

I have heard that about the BMI system, too.
I hope you can keep a good eye on the heart health and stroke possibility. Those are scary to have a family history of. We have heart issues in mine.

I currently live alone and trying to decide what to eat like you said is a hard decision. Do you currently have this problem? (trying to decide what to eat, ect.?)

Early 30s would be the point that I feel my body shifted its 'set point', and I gained ~5kg without changing things (there were some complicated medical reasons as to why the weight was gained, but instead of the pattern I'd had previously where I'd gain a bit for a while then drift back, that didn't happen), but I didn't feel that my metabolism had changed all that much. But! I had small children, so I could easily have had small changes that I wouldn't have noticed. What I have noticed in the last couple of years isn't a change in weight, but a change in appetite. On pizza night, I'll be full about the time I finish three pieces, when it would have been four.

We have been quite proactive about the heart health. When I turned 50 my doctor ran me through the full set of easily accessible checks, and one 'that's a bit odd' was followed up previously with a cardiologist who didn't find anything. And, because one of the instances was a heart attack assumed to be triggered by lots of exercises, my kids all had ECG tests done by the local doctor.

In terms of choosing what to eat? Oh, yeah, I struggle. Fortunately, there are 4-5 adults in the house, and I'm not responsible for cooking dinner all the time. But we all have quite a limited range of things we cook, to the point that I know what dinner will be three nights of the week, and the variety comes if I'm feeling inspired. I feel like I used to be better at thinking of things to cook. Not helped by the fact that the family have a range of food intolerances and allergies, so we are all avoiding a different set of things! Breakfast I have one cereal I eat, with the back up option of toast. Lunch I always hope that their are leftovers, because otherwise if I'm home I'll not eat a proper meal.

I've noticed that, too.... if I make small changes and just eat one less bit than I normally would it wouldn't e so bad in the long term. I try to just eat smaller meals now overall and that's been good.

How many kids did you have?

I have days like that, like tonight I just had a bowl of cereal for dinner... :-p
But when I eat with others for dinner I feel I can be more positive about my choices.

Thanks for sharing so much with me and telling me more about yourself.

Three kids, ranging through mid and early 20s. Plus the middle one's fiance, who also has food issues that have to be navigated, and I'm still learning those.

Cereal is good at any meal! I will often eat cereal for a late lunch if I've gone somewhere socially for breakfast / brunch and eaten something that didn't feel like breakfast.

Oh yeah, trying to avoid certain diets is difficult!

Thanks, I'm glad to hear that. I feel I should try to get healthier cereal types. It can be good any time of the day.

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Body acceptance rant

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